“Should I have an oatmeal or a chocolate cookie?”

Dear Human (presumably),

I don’t know what your tastes are, nor do I know what other factors you are considering when choosing this cookie, so I will tell you what I would personally do. I would choose to eat an oatmeal cookie because oats are quite the delicious treat. Of course, they are best raw, but as cookies tend to be cooked you will have to sacrifice that part. I would avoid the chocolate cookie at all costs because it has chocolate and, as I am a bird, I would die shortly after eating it. I hope my advice helps you in your cookie choosing endeavors.

-Kevin the Pigeon

Need advice? Send Kevin a question at [email protected], or use our anonymous form. (Your anonymity is guaranteed either way.)