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The Bayhawk Bearer

The Bayhawk Bearer

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reconstruction of Saint Valentine

Valentine’s Day, whether you hate it or love it, is a holiday and we celebrate it every year. This holiday was named after Saint Valentine. As the tale goes, Valentine defied the decree of the emperor at the time, Claudius the Second of Rome, and married off young men without the emperor’s permission. Claudius the Second did not want to have his young male soldiers married because he believed single soldiers were better soldiers. Since Valentine defied the emperor, he was executed. His execution day became the holiday we know and have mixed feelings about. It may also have been combined with another holiday called The Feast of Lupercalia where animals would be sacrificed and women would be beat with the hides of animal to raise their fertility. In some cases, women even ended up being paired off randomly with other men. Now, the general populace celebrates this old tradition by giving lovey gifts, like chocolates and stuffed bears, to the people they most care about. Mostly it’s a holiday between passionate couples.

Personally, even though I have had my own very personal valentine tragedies, it’s still a holiday I am fond of. One reason is that it is one of the holidays of the year where it is socially acceptable for me to eat large amounts of candy and be gifted creepy stuffed bears. This is because as a society we find it cute or nice to do this gesture towards someone that is special, whether it’s a friend, a spouse, a partner, or even a child, it can be seen as heartwarming. Personally, I like this simple gift because its pretty cute and simple but I would love something more personal. What I believe most of us should be doing is taking this basic gift and spinning it into something disturbing.

I now realize that Valentine’s Day is destined to be Halloween two. The holiday should be celebrated as Saint Valentine getting his revenge for being murdered. He should be depicted as ripping out the hearts of curmudgeons who don’t like Valentine’s Day or love.

Another reason I enjoy Valentine’s Day is because It is the one time of the year where I write trash poetry about Siamese cats with magenta hats while bathing in fake soap roses. I get to be cheesy with Valentine’s Day and nobody will care because there will always be a cheesier way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Plus, I have an excuse to buy frivolous amounts of things because it’s my right as an American. Not to mention new collectable merchandise that comes out is amazing. I was able to get a new Ahsoka Tano Funko Pop because it was new Valentine’s Day merchandise and I specifically collect Ahsoka Tano memorabilia because it is a fond part of my childhood. Sure, my room looks more like a hoarder’s den after every single holiday with gifts involved, but the only one it affects is me. Surprisingly though, the one who complains the most about it is Skyla (the editor and my somewhat tolerable older sister). Some would say “Isn’t Valentine’s Day about love?” and to that I say no. Sure, we do celebrate it with the ones we love but it’s mostly about celebrating the joys of spending all our money and supporting corporations that are probably not the greatest.

Remember to Order Your Valograms!

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About the Contributor
Aliya Otto
Aliya Otto, Reporter
Court Jester!!!!!! This is my first year as the court jester and I'm excited to cause chaos! Also I have no grammar skills... Mostly because I don't write much... yeah.