dear “kevin” if thats even your real name… i think the bayhawk bearer should have been named the bayhawk birdcall or something like that. i think i will start a rival newspaper. watch your back kevin i could be lurking around any corner collecting industry secrets from you and your associates. i speak fluent pigeon. youre going down!

Dear human (presumably),

I look forward to meeting your challenge! You may find yourself in quite a pickle when it comes to information gathering, however, as my associates have been trained in the art of secret keeping. ‘Tis an industry standard, and you will likely find your information lacking at the end of your endeavor. Additionally, you seem to be under the impression that we are a bird-managed paper who writes for birds. While that would be a dream come true for a pigeon like me, I am unfortunately the only avian on staff. My underlings are all human (presumably). Regardless, human squabbles are quite enjoyable to witness and I’m sure our existing staff would be quite willing to take you under their wing as you plot on how to take us down. Not that you’ll succeed, we shall fight until victory.

-Kevin the Pigeon

Need advice? Send Kevin a question at [email protected], or use our anonymous form. (Your anonymity is guaranteed either way.)